In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Finite Creatures.”
And so I woke up in a hospital bed with an intravenous infusion attached to me. In what hospital am I in? Where was I? What happened to me?. I looked around. I’ve got no glasses on but I feel like I don’t need them anymore. But I still need it because without my glasses I feel like I’m a different person. I looked around again and this time I tried to scrutinize the things inside the room. It’s a small room. It has a small and noisy air conditioner above where my head lie. In my right was a small door probably the CR. Directly in front of my bed was a small television and perpendicular to it lay a small couch where my father’s jacket was. Where are they anyway? I’ve got so many questions in my head! I seem to not remember what had happened but this could not be amnesia because I still know who I was, who my parents are, and every detail I force to remember, but not last night.
My head was hurting.
Then the door just beside the couch swung open and my parents came all the way in with their bright smiles at me.
“Thank God you’re awake!” My father said.
“It has been three days since the accident and finally you’re awake.” Mother added.
“Wait, what?! I was on an accident?!” I blurted out. “What sort of accident? Why? Where? How!?” I wish I could watched what happened, like watching a movie at the back of my head. But there was really nothing. It was a blank space!
“Now, now. Calm down dear. I’m sure you are trying to remember what happened but don’t go hard on yourself.” Mother said who instantly came very close to my bed and grabbed my hand to comfort me. ” You were in a van that got tossed out on a cliff. The cliff was quite steep but amazingly nobody was dead. Only others had some serious fractures and the rest was a miracle. Everybody was amazed how you managed to attend to every passenger who was with you immediately after the accident. They told us that they were really thankful that you and the boy who was discharged last night on the other room were there to ease things up and you know to mend their wounds immediately. Everybody knows you now as the nurse who tried to save everyone. Thanks to you nobody got a serious hemorrhage or God knows what. Every family of those who were on the accident gave us donations to pay for the hospital bills. You haven’t waken up since today, and the doctor said that we were just to wait till you woke because they haven’t seen anything serious on you. They said that it was amazing how you and that other boy, Vladimir, were only left with minor scratches and wounds which were not fatal. Except for those two pinpoint marks on your neck which the doctors find odd. But all the rest we were just waiting for you to wake up. I will have to go and fetch the doctor or whoever is in the station so that we can work on your early discharge. You know hospitals make me feel sick. ”
My head was still hurting from trying to remember what really happened. I guess, I somehow left home because I was needing my license to be renewed. But that was all there is.
The following morning was a relief. Dr. Angelica came by and checked everything. She said we could go home now. There was really nothing serious though she referred me to a psychiatrist to work with debriefing to prevent post traumatic disorder or whatever.
I was discharged. My father insisted that before leaving the hospital I should go visit and say our goodbyes to the other passengers. So I went with him to every room where they were staying. I went to a man with a cast. To the one with bandages, and so on. Nobody was familiar but they keep on thanking me. I always nodded and smiled and told them to be all right and lastly goodbye because we were to leave hospital soon. I somehow wished that I could stay a little longer and asked them what happened and all but I guess I will be giving them a hard time to reminisce the whole event
So there It was, goodbye but still with confusion lingering within me.
We left Mother Of Mercy Hospital while the sun was scorching hot. It is July but seasons are changing here, it is now a hot July not like before, when July comes so is rain. Did i say that It was terribly hot and felt like I can’t bear the heat and the glare! God! The glasses might be killing me, I really can’t stand the glare.
Our small town was a 4 hour land trip from the city. During the trip my parents tried to point where exactly was the cliff that we had our accident. But I really was not minding because of the sun. It was really hurting my eye. Or was it really my eye? Nevertheless, I tried to have a conversation with them till we arrive at our home.
Nothing really feels like home! The smell, the sound, the air, everything!
I hurriedly went to Robyn, my goldfish and gave her some pellets. My parents were away for three days, so she must have been very hungry.
I went to my room and lay on the bed. I missed it. Then I slowly dozed off.
I woke up almost around midnight. I wasn’t feeling hungry which was odd, because I always feel it every time. haha! It was dark but I can see the light from the outside post. Then a voice spoke, the sound of a man.
“I came to say sorry to what I did to you. But that was the best thing I could do. People there were dying. the accident was fatal and you too were bleeding to death. I sensed you were from the healing people because you attended to the person injured right next to you. I’m really not the type of healer, I even find it hard to heal myself. I’m more of a harsh form of creature. I can give you the best and the worst pain there is without even touching me. So compassion is really not my type but immediately after the crash I know I needed you to save those other passengers. You were dying anyway. I gave you your second life, hence the scar on your neck. You saved the passengers on the accident, but I saved you! Having said that, I apologize because you no longer belong to this world. You are among us now. By the way, you should meet my sister Ann, you two will get along fine. You might even fall in love with her! Just be careful. I will tag her along with me the next time I come here. But for now I have to go. I have to face the Highness and explain to her what really happened. For now let me tell you this, you are no longer human. Vladimir by the way, nice meeting you!”
Was this a dream? I did not see him exactly but I think he was really inside the room. I pinched myself, I felt it. No I’m awake! Am I? I closed my eyes again.
Then I heard the alarm. The sun was up again and I was hating the glare for the second time. ugh! That was intense nightmare! Good it was over! Its time for work again.
Then I saw it, the pinpoint scar on my neck.
So we met. After that seemingly endless years of not seeing each other, we met.
Not the kind of unexpected meeting because on my part, my friends planned everything up. Yes! Your real friends who try to see what you really have been dreading, and making sure it will happen and things just go crumbling down. Well at least for me anyway.
So you see, I’m a mess. This blog is even messier. But I needed something to vent out what I have been holding back.
Way back then, I must have been really proud and arrogant because you loved somebody like myself. I really wish I could turn back the hands of time and loved you the same.The kind of love you really deserve.
How many times do I have to tell myself that everything is better now! You are happy, with him of course I know that, judging by the way you smile and telling us that you are somehow waiting for him.
Am I really okay with that? I think not. But I’m trying hard to be. What do I need to do that I will be free from this hopelessness?
Sorry, but I’m really a mess.
What must we follow, the orders of our mind or the calling of our heart? Intellectuals would prefer to follow what their brain is telling them, while compassionate individuals tend to follow the plea of their hearts. But what should we consider the heart that pleads or the brain that controls? Technically, the two are, inseparable, they co-exist with each other. The heart providing blood to the brain and the brain regulating the function of the heart in return. In scientific sense, the brain is the central controlling unit and the heart is just a muscle that supplies and regulates the flow of blood in our system. Without the brain, we die. Without the heart we perish! So who do we consider? Is it Mr. Brain or Mr. Heart?
People; tend to reason out that we should follow the mind, for God put it above the heart. But have we considered the fact that the heart was put in its place to be protected? Yes, I also believed in that before, we should follow the mind because it’s above, it’s the master, it controls! But a simple song, struck me so badly, that I reconsidered what I believed in. The song says, “Sometimes you wanna run away, Aint got no patience for the pain, and if you don’t believe you look into your heart the beat goes on.”
A simple question came running through my mind, who among the brain and the heart easily gives up? -the brain. It is our brain, telling us to give up when we are in the midst of obstacles. It is the brain that questions “are we going to overcome this seemingly insurmountable problem?” It is the brain that doubts, it doubts what are we capable of. It is the brain that easily gives up! And what does our heart do? It still pumps blood. It still beats reminding us, that, “hey! We are still functioning, the other parts of your body, so, you’re still alive! C’mon why don’t you try overcoming your obstacles when you still can?” And that is the time when your brain reconsiders everything, “the heart tells me I’m still alive, I still can!” But most often than not, people give into what the doubting brain tells them.
I think we should start reconsidering, what must we follow, is it the doubting brain or the courageous heart? I’m not saying to follow your heart all the time, or your brain all the time also, but we should weigh and reconsider.
It is one of the many mysteries we can’t even decipher, we don’t know why God put our brains above our hearts and why God positioned our hearts in its rightful place. It is a mystery whether to follow the controlling and the doubting brain or the will of a courageous heart. It is for you to reconsider…
The sad truth is this, people of my kind usually waits till the severity of a certain disease inflict them so hard that they seek medical attention.
Yes. It is the saddest truth here in the Philippines, its a sad truth here in our province how much more in those far flung hard to reach areas?!
I just got home from work, and we were just done with dinner when a neighbor came by our house and asked me to check the blood pressure of his mother.
As a nurse, a medical professional, and a health advocate it would not be appropriate to refuse a task you ought to do. So I gave him a nod and followed him to their house.
His mother apparently, experienced dizziness about 4:00 this afternoon. Her Blood pressure was checked about 5:00pm and was 150/90mmHg. They self-prescribed her with Catapress 75mg and an hour later Neobloc 50mg.
I was dismayed with the turn of events. Its a common practice here, if Im taking this medication and it feels fine then I can freely suggest it to another, especially a family member. No! everything is wrong.
In my head things were running like, why have you not gone to a hospital instead and see a physician. why self-medicate? Why wait till its 7:00 to have me checked on her when our neighborhood is not distant from a hospital. With a BP like that?
But as always, we are grace under pressure so I greeted her and asked her how she’s feeling. She was lying on the bed and said that she feels a little bit better than before. Okay, so her self prescribed medications helped her somehow. And when I checked her BP, 130/80mmhg. So no harm done. The medications were right. They managed to lower her rising BP after all.
So whats my point anyway?
Its that healthseeking behavior. Its so hard to find it here! Only a few bears this behavior.
Why do most of my kind seem to be afraid of seeing a physician? Why do we wait till a disease cripple us up until we seek medical attention?
Health is a basic right. we should all be well. But we must make efforts to be well. We should seek health and wellness all the time, not until it’s too late for us to try!
I’m Rey Aves Alido and I think I’ve got the shortest name ever. I often find myself insecure to those with long names that usually consists a first name and a second name. So much for that! I’m a registered nurse here in the Philippines but I work on a pharmacy, as a pharmacy assistant. I’m one of the many nurses here that are not working as nurses, but nonetheless I still am a considerable part of the health care team.
So as a healthcare professional I should then write about health and wellness, how to promote it, how to combat diseases, our life as professional health workers, etc. But I fall short on doing so. My previous blog posts never talks about health. haha! I must be very confused. Maybe I will be writing topics that will really matter to me. So for the moment, I’m still unsure if it will really be confined on a singular topic alone.
Why am I blogging publicly and why I’m here really, is for me to enhance my ability, if I really have one. I’m still doubtful on that! (Hahahah! )And I needed something to vent out my feelings of extremes and writing is very good deal for it.
If my blog will be successful next year and the years to come I hope to accomplish a sense of fulfillment!I hope to read one of my blog on a magazine or a newspaper or that kind of sort. Well anyway I’m very much hoping to enjoy all the way through.
Okay. So I had a few drinks with an old acquaintance that marched all the way to my house just so that he and I could have that shots he longs to have.
This is what I hate about old companions who you meet once again, they ask you questions about your history, about your shared time and your shared memories.
Then he asked me about You. Then I remembered you and how I’m intoxicated hearing myself from you.
Then I went home with still that memory of you that lingers on my mind for quite some time. Then a cascade of events happens. I checked your profile on Facebook, and of course by now I have known that you’ve deleted me from your list of friends and somehow managed to blocked me too.
But yeah, we still have friends in common so I still got that the chance of browsing your shared posts with them.
The first question is, WHY am I even bothering to check your timeline? Was the inquiry about how we ended this way earlier so annoying that it left me questioning myself, “How are you anyway?”
Back then you must have cursed me because I could feel this feeling of remorse and all the bad things I could imagine just thinking how I ended up a relationship so strong and a feeling so hard to reciprocate.
I’m in pieces seeing you so happy right now. I’m shattered seeing him, when it could have been me instead! I feel so insecure because I look more a lot like him and I feel sorry for not giving you the best that I could back then.
No I’m more than that!
When will I be released from your seemingly inescapable grip that always lead me to this!
I always thought that I really moved on but all I feel is regret. Regret that I let go of once a love so real.
Crap. Alcohol must have been on my system for some time now! So then I must sleep.